The past five years have been an intense time of introspection and reflection for me. At one point I became acutely aware that I suffered from shame based living.

I had a vague but constant sense of hating my personality.

The voices in my heart grew in volume and repeatedly told me that  authentic Godly women were  reticent, timid, nonopinionative, and placid.   I seemed to have an opinion most of the time, saw problems as something that needed to be actively solved, loved lively debate at team meetings, felt passionate about vision, and had an incredible desire to create.  It bothered me so much I  even had dreams about it.  In my dreams I would create something and then try to hide it or try as I might, I couldn’t say the right thing.  In my dreams, I would know what I should say but couldn’t physically say it.  Crazy huh?

I longed for some emotional Brillo pad to scrub my passions and desires away and replace them with a flat lined demeanor and thought life.   Blurt! Exclaim!  Proclaim! Declare!…those were not words associated with Peter’s description of the meek and quiet spirit a woman was to have.  Or were they?

I point blank asked God to help me understand why I carried so much shame about my personality.  Why did I resent my creation gifts?

Because I asked, God answered.  Out of the blue one day, a Godly man of great influence asked me to study the life of Abigail.  I found that some very interesting things stood out to me.  In I Samuel 25 I witnessed a woman whose spirit was so meek and quiet she could hear God’s voice like sonar.  Her personality was perfect for accepting the mission God needed her for.

When Abigail’s drunk husband, all his servants, David, and all his soldiers can’t think clearly…God gives a plan to Abigail to avert tragedy.

Abigail is:

• Decisive in the plan for a solution
• Brazen in ignoring her husband’s insolence
• Respectfully daring in boldness to David
• Courageous in administration and giving directives
• Able to hear directly from God
• Fearless
• Articulate
• Energetic

When she executes the plan, David avoids failing God.  God used her.

Listen to what David said to Abigail. “Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you to meet me today!  Thank God for your GOOD SENSE! Bless you for keeping me from murder and from carrying out vengeance with my own hands. If you had not hurried out to meet me, not one of Nabal’s men would be alive tomorrow morning!”   Then David accepted her present and told her,  “Return home in peace. I have heard what you said. We will not kill your husband.”

Do you see that “other” thing?  Abigail was creative!  She thought to take a present to David!

She also must have had the ability to tell an exciting story because when Nabal sobered up and she related what happened….he had a stroke and died.

As you know, when David heard, he sent for her and asked her to be his wife.  David…a man after God’s heart saw Abigail in all her total “Abigailness” and wanted her to share his life. What an asset she must have been to David as he progressed from the sheep pen to the throne!

Part of the abundant life Jesus promised is wrapped in our acceptance of His design of our personalities. When we are able to accept that HE created us in divine purpose with all the elements He wants to utilize…shame evaporates!

His mercy makes us strong!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Phyllis