II Corinthians 10:12 says it is ignorant to compare ourselves to each other. One translation even says it is stupid.
I just spent a good part of last week at a conference featuring some of the best and brightest of Christian leaders in our country. 13,000 people attended. Talk about a comparison trap!
One of the speakers was a woman exactly my age. Marilyn and I were among 20 other women invited to have dinner with her. She has had exactly the same amount of years on this earth as I have.
With those 54 years she has raised three children, stayed married, stayed in shape, has served on staff at Willow Creek, written two highly successful books, is a sought after speaker, was dressed totally chic, had an up to date hair cut and great, tight skin on her neck.
In her presence my stronghold started glaring like a neon sign in the dark.
As she talked my failures as a mom started doing their ticker tape parade in my head. The sadness and loss of my divorce resonated in my heart as I hid my ring finger under the table. My thighs seemed to be ballooning and my self cut/dyed hair felt orange and common next to her professional highlights and cut. My old college make up mirror (with the dial for different lighting) had already promised me that my skin would be sallow under fluorescent lighting, so there went that. I also berated myself for bringing such a matronly outfit just because it packed well.
I was however able to use another stronghold, PRIDE, to prop up my psyche.
I reminded myself that I was on staff at a wonderful church.
That soon flopped back into the defeat pool when Satan reminded me that instead of writing great books___ I had written things in my past that hurt people.
Strongholds.
Mine are many, but this particular one is not unknown to me like Ron preached about this weekend.
This is the stronghold that seems to magically rebuild itself at regular intervals. This one feels like a cobweb my soul just keeps walking into. From the grocery store, to the church, to the job, to the fair… there is always someone kinder, funnier, wiser, more diligent, more patient, more self disciplined, softer spoken, more cheerful, more accomplished, thinner, better groomed, accessorized better, thriftier, neater, more creative, more capable, more balanced or more intelligent.
Every stronghold starts with a thought, then it becomes a consideration, then it becomes an action, then it becomes a repeated action, and THEN the stronghold is solidified.
I remember the first thoughts.
Grade school can be brutal. So can a legalistic understanding of God. My childhood church background mixed with moving frequently collided to form my very own big bang theory of never measuring up. The thoughts then became the consideration that I was very defective. I acted on it by feeding myself a steady diet of the teen magazine Seventeen which held out an impossible goal with it’s enhanced pictures of models and actresses. I progressed on to Bible College where girls were judged on being good prospective pastors wives by the old phrase, Can she play the piano, sing alto and look good at conventions? Ugghhh…. It all feels so heavy as I reflect.
This stronghold was not compartmentalized like a stone fortress in my heart. It was a virus of discontent that seemed to be in the very fiber of my being.
There is an old Saturday Night Live skit where a character talks to himself in a mirror every morning before he leaves his home. He gives himself a little speech about being good enough and reminds himself that he likes himself. It’s a classic and makes us laugh because he is acting out what we secretly TRY to do mentally.
BUT this stronghold cannot be demolished by self-talk-pep-talks.
ONLY HE can set the captive free!
My stronghold forces me to rely on Him. It keeps me dependent on Him. It compels me to run to Him with my identity and allow Him to mirror His grace back to me. It momentarily enslaves me until I call out to Him and His Holy Spirit washes over my mind.
Whenever it sucker punches me, I can only get relief in his presence. My heart is soothed by His acceptance and I press on….one step at a time…allowing Him to transform my mind___ and with His hand holding mine___ I step closer and closer to true freedom.
Romans 12:2 (Amplified Bible)
Do not be conformed to this world, [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].
His mercy makes me strong.
Phyllis